The Things We (or maybe just I) Do

Guys. I just did this. I put my 6 month old in front of the tv so she would be happy. 

Do I feel like a bad mom? A little bit. I can hear my granny chastising that family who uses the tv as a babysitter. I can see the words of someone writing about that mom at the park on her phone. I just know that someone out there somewhere would not be impressed. 

And yes. I would much rather her be happy with some toys. Do believe me. But she is not.

So I pushed the guilt way deep down. Because I can't make her happy today unless I am holding her. whilst standing. Because I could barely get her to sleep in her bed at nap time, which she is usually a champ at. Because I'm up 3+ times a night with her. Because I'm tired. And because I just needed a few minutes to myself. To not be rocking a baby or, alternatively, listening to her cry.

So there she sits. In her exersaucer. Watching Disney Junior. Happy. 

To, my sweet grandmother whom I love. To, that onlooker at the park watching mom look at her phone because she spends all day everyday with her kids and the park entertains them for a moment without her. To, everyone everywhere who would never but their baby in front of the tv, who would rock them forever, who always pushes them on the swing, watching diligently, playing incessantly. I'm sorry. 

But I would do it again.  

And alas, the tv has lost it's entertainment value. Here I come sweet girl! Let us walk some more.

Kids Know

Kids know.

They know when you've stayed up way too late talking to your husband just because you like each other.

They know when you didn't nap that day you should have because you wanted to see who won in your tv show.

They know when you've spent the last five hours being sick between attempting to sleep.

They know when you've had a very busy weekend and just need a little extra sleep.

They always know.

And how I know they know?

Because those are the nights when my three year old who always sleeps through the night, doesn't.

Those are the nights when my small babe cries for no apparent reason for an hour in the middle of the night.

 Or when she is just up every hour.

Those are the mornings after when my three year old is up right at 7.

Or my 6 month old is.

But never both. Just to rub it in.

Kids know...... beware.

Our Church (and probably yours too)

We go to church. We go often. We go because we are trying to love Jesus and this is a part of the few ways we know how. We want to be around other Christian people. We want to learn with them and worship with them. We want to get to know them better. 

This is hard. But we were reminded recently that we can't do church without other people. And beyond that, I'm hesitant to try being a Christian without other people. You miss something. You don't have the same accountability. You don't have the relationships and the discussions and the involvement in something bigger, something attempting to show the bigness of God.

But we are a group of very different people. So different. And this is good, wonderful even, necessary, and, ultimately, unavoidable. It means that we don't always see eye to eye. We don't always agree. We don't always have the same ideas. We don't always pursue the same things. And if we're not traveling in the same direction, then we start to pull apart. 

I am a grumpy person. I get irritated easily by other people. Some days I try really hard to not do this. This means I have to stop, think and reply more slowly. More openly. I need more understanding. More selflessness. More thoughtfulness. More often than not, I do not. I rant. I tell people  how much I don't like someone, some idea, some action. I get upset. I threaten to leave. I growl. I throw my hands up. I shake my head.

I am not patient with anyone over the age of 10. And so attempting to get along with 100 plus people who are over the age of 10 often feels a little impossible. Really impossible. So many ideas, personalities and seemingly little direction right now. 

My hope is that the new group leading our church has passion and their ideas can come into fruition. That we can back them up and go with them, even if we're grumpy and impersonal people. And that we can show the world that we can be better than those grumpy and impersonal people we are. That we can overcome that impulse and we can love. We can love that idea that wasn't ours. That project that doesn't fit with our vision. That person who is not our cup of tea. 

If we stopped and remembered that we're all joining together in a building, a park a home, for the same paramount reason, maybe, just maybe, we can do something wonderful together. We can move together and grow together. We can get a small step closer to being what a community of God-fearing, Jesus-crazy people should be. We can show the world a tiny glimpse of who God is and of the love He showed us.

And possibly I can start be thankful that I'm not the only idiot floundering in this big world with a bad attitude and silly ideas.

Our Second

I have yet to write a post exclusively about my sweet baby girl. And sweet she is. 

'She' was a surprise. We weren't able to find out her sex before hand and I was busy assuming we were having another boy. "It's a girl," said the extremely nice and patient nurse who was, at that moment, my hero as she was the one who helped get the child out. "Really?!" said this exhausted and slightly ridiculous mother. (I mean, come on, no, the nurse was just kidding.... what a stupid question. These are things that happen when you've just gone through labor... and not the worst parts either.) But there she was. Not nearly as loud as her brother, which wasn't exactly a good thing, but they got her screaming. Just took a little more effort and she's definitely as loud or louder than him now. The little angel was a week early, too. What a lovely babe.

And there she was. After 9 months of not knowing, we knew her.

She is the sweetest little thing. She is all smiles and wonder. She loves playing and music. She is already sitting on her own. She likes to be included and is starting to like other people too. Which is obviously nice. The little peach was pretty anti-social for a while there.

I dress her in pink, because I can. She has perfect blue eyes and chubby cheeks. She squeals with delight when she's around something or someone she really likes (mostly Caed, cats and possibly other little humans.) And loves to hear herself talk.

She's pretty amazing.

 

So now we have two. Two perfectly wonderful kidlets, who have me smiling constantly. (That or counting to ten for patience.)

Our Week

This. Has been a busy week. And I have not posted enough to do it justice, 'nor will I, as it will be summed up in this single, too small post.

We celebrated our 5 year anniversary last week. 5 years. It's been a good 5 years. We've done lots. Probably not enough. We've figured things out. We've discovered we don't know what we're doing. Together we've made a couple littles. And together we've fallen in love with them. And together realized we have no idea how to be parents. But we're learning. We've talked and cried and yelled and laughed and walked and smiled and prayed and. And it's been good. Really good. And I'm excited for the next year and the one after that. He's a pretty wonderful guy and I'm trying to keep up. 

And then my baby turned 3. He turned THREE. What? Somehow he has stolen my heart and yet I still can not believe I have him. What a wonderful, exciting, loving, sweet, rambunctious, crazy, loud, inclusive, funny little man. He amazes me everyday. And frustrates me every other. But that's just growing up. It's a little hard and a lot incredible. My little man has changed in unimaginable amounts and yet he will always be my baby. This sweet little boy I held in my arms for the first time while he screamed and I loved. And I still get to hold him. How wonderful is that?

 Awe, he's just the best. 

My granny and papa were out too. So much fun. I love my grandparents, and it's harder to travel now that we have two little babes and I'm so happy they could make it out to see us. It was wonderful to see them. And especially to show off my newest to them. They had yet to meet my sweet Danae. And now they have. My heart sings.

 

Basement time!

So, since I've last been here, we finished half our basement! So wonderful! My wonderful, wonderful husband hung the drywall. I semi-helped mud, but he mostly did all that too, and the sanding. He has improved immensely since our main floor renos... practice really is helping! Although I'm certain he still doesn't enjoy it. Since I was very pregnant, my parents and him primed and painted it, and then we had carpet installed. We now have a play room for Caed/an entertainment area (aka. where Josh puts his big tv). 

First off, my parents are the best, because my procrastinator (yet lovely) man I call husband, would NOT have finished painting before the carpet people came. It just wouldn't have happened. And I wasn't supposed to be painting, so they came. And spent two long nights painting after work. Parents are the best. And my sweet Caed didn't help any, as he found a roller with mostly dried white paint and decided to paint over the brown paint that walls had already got painted. Such a dear.

My second point is simply this- carpet is extremely hard to pick. There are a million combinations. High piles, kind of high piles, berber, a million shades of brown, and grey, or you can still get those blues and greens! It is by pure luck that they named a color "puffball" a name we instantly thought was fun. And the color looked as if it just might work. And it does. So thank you, carpet color namer for your fun and creative names, we might still be staring at tiny carpet samples if not for you. (I'm fairly sure it took longer to pick what we wanted than it took the guys to install it. Have I mentioned the crazy amount of choices? I do not have that designer's eye.) 

The carpet keeps it warm and toasty, along with the insulation Joshua added to the walls when we did them. What a wonderful space. Some day we will finish everything!

 Paint is finished! Just in time for the carpet people to come tomorrow!

 Soft stairs.

 Caed "sleeping" on his new soft floors. A bit more cozy than the plywood.

So now Caed's toys are mostly down stairs, just in time for us to fill out main floor with baby items and toys. But I wouldn't get rid of that baby swing for anything. It's a life saver. 

Worst Blogger Ever

I got pregnant and tired, grumpy and whiny. Then I had a baby and got even more tired (and grumpy, and whiny. Well, maybe not as whiny...). This I didn't realize would be possible. Alas, it is. It's a different tired though. Before it was more of an "I am SO uncomfortable and am getting up every hour to pee" kind of tired. Now it's more or an "as soon as I'm given permission by my tiny human I will hit my pillow and sleep hard for as long as she'll let me because I'm not sure when it will happen again" kind of tired. 

But aside from that, having two babies is wonderful. And scary. Mostly wonderful. Our new little is as beautiful as the first, and aside from their good looks and unbelievable amounts of drool, they are totally different kids. It's so fun to watch.But now what?

God gave us these two perfect and tiny humans and now we are tasked with molding and shaping what we were given. Some days I'm all full of myself and thinking we are clearly the most wonderful and amazing parents to ever walk this earth (this isn't actually true, I've seen the YouTube videos of small children playing the piano with incredible talent, I will never be the best parent and I know this.) Most days I feel completely inadequate. 

I'll keep trying my best, I'm certain God picked me for these two babes for a reason. And I pray I'm up to the challenge. For their sake. I love them more than I thought I could... although sometimes I'd be willing to loan them out for a couple hours. Any takers?!!??!

This doesn't even come close to making up for months of inactivness!